Anxiety

I doubt that I'm the only new mom that has dealt with this.  I really doubt that I'm the only new mom who has tried to hide this from others.  Through my prayers though, I've been feeling that I need to be more open and transparent about what I'm struggling with.  Ever since Tenley was born- I've been so scared, I mean absolutely terrified, that something bad would happen to her.  I thought that this would pass after she was done with the newborn phase.  But it hasn't.  I still struggle with A LOT of anxiety about this.  I fear that someone will come in to the house at night and take her.  I fear that I'll wake up in the morning and she won't be breathing.  I fear that she will get so sick and won't make it.  Yes, I know these are real, actual fears from many moms.  Especially first time moms.  But sometimes- it consumes me.  I work these scenarios out in my head that something awful is going to happen.  Usually I can talk myself out of it enough by reminding myself that God is in control.  He knows the number of hairs on her head and her days with us.  He has it all planned out.  But sometimes, on nights like last night, my fear completely overwhelms me and I just hold her and cry and beg God to let me see her grow up, get married, have children of her own.  Why am I so anxious about something happening?  Maybe because we've experienced loss in our own family of this magnitude.  Maybe it's because I can't help myself from reading blogs about people who are experiencing this loss right now.  (I know I need to stop!)  Or maybe it's simply, Mike and I now have a much greater responsibility than just ourselves.  This little, sweet life now depends on me!  Will I teach her the right things?  Will I discipline her the right way?  I never want to disappoint her.  Will she learn from my example to love our Savior?  It's a heavy weight to bear, but something I wouldn't change for anything!  Something that I will never, ever doubt though- is that Tenley will never have to wonder how much her Daddy and I love her.  She will always know. 

I've confided in my husband and my parents about these anxieties.  My dad gave me some helpful sayings and verses on fear and anxiety.  I thought I would share a few.  Just in case I'm not the only crazy, anxious mom out there :)

"No one can pray and worry at the same time.  When we worry, we aren't praying.  When we are praying, we aren't worrying.  When you pray, you "stay" your mind on Christ, resulting in PEACE."

"Two types of voices command your attention today.  Negative ones fill your mind with doubt, bitterness, and fear.  Positive ones purvey hope and strength.  Which one will you choose to heed?  You have a choice."

"We take every thought captive so that it is obedient to Christ."  2 Corinthians 10:5

God is able to accomplish, provide, help, save, keep, subdue...He is able to do what you can't.  He already has a plan.  God's not bewildered.  Go to Him.

The next time life's problems seem about to overwhelm me - I need to remember this advice from Peter:

"Throw the whole weight of your anxieties upon Him, for you are His personal concern."  1 Peter 5:7