Progress!

Today marks a milestone for me!  I've lost 20 lbs!  This new lifestyle is getting easier. Lots of veggies and fruit and lean protein. It's more of a way of life now. That's not to say it's not hard. I still would love to go pig out at buffalo wild wings.  I did have that for a cheat meal a couple weeks ago (a smaller portion) and while it tasted so good.. I was reminded of why I can't have that alot! I felt awful afterwards!

Here's a couple pictures.  The first one is from February.  I know it's hard to see differences because of what I'm wearing, but I can see some.

I can tell a difference in my face a little bit.  My jeans are definitely big on me now. Good thing I have a stock pile of old jeans that are all smaller sizes. I held on to them in hopes of someday... Some day could be here!

This picture is from today.

I'm really working hard to see more changes! I'm walking about two miles every night (when it's not bitter cold!) and trying to work out in the mornings, although I must admit I've been slacking a bit in that area. But I can tell a big difference just since I started walking.

Here's to 20 more!

Claiming the Chaos

**Disclaimer: This post is more for my own records.  It's lengthy and will probably bore you.  But down the road I know I will want to remember this.**

I want to remember last week.  I want to remember our thoughts and feelings.  Our tears and our prayers. I want to remember the way we clung to God with every phone call, appointment, test and result. I want to remember the way we clung to each other.

Last Tuesday, February 24th I took Tenley to an ultrasound appointment at Elkhart General bright and early. Dr. Ansari had requested that we do this just to make sure they weren’t missing anything with Tenley’s odd symptoms. The ultrasound took about 30 minutes or so, and they asked us to stay while the doctor looked over them just in case they needed to redo anything. When Tenley and I were sitting in the little waiting area the tech came back twice to ask me specific questions about Tenley’s symptoms. I could tell by his tone and his pointed questions that something was wrong. When we left EGH we had to go straight to Memorial for an appointment with Dr. Ansari. Tenley fell asleep on our drive to Memorial and so I called my dad. I told him that I just knew they found something and that we were about to have some answers. When I arrived at Dr. Ansari’s office, Tenley was not feeling well. This ended up being almost a good thing because the doctor could see what we dealt with on a bad day. He agreed that something was clearly wrong. Her lack of appetite was getting worse and her fatigue was obvious. When we were waiting on him in the exam room Tenley was telling me how she just wasn’t feeling well. I hugged her and prayed. I remember telling God that he made me strong enough to handle whatever was about to come our way, but that I just wanted answers. Dr. Ansari had the results back from the ultrasound, but he needed time to look them over. So he sent us home and he said we would receive a phone call later.

Later couldn’t come soon enough when I just knew they found something. That evening a nurse called to let me know that Dr. Ansari wanted us to have more blood work done and also have a hepatitis panel done on Tenley as soon as possible. When I questioned her about this she couldn’t give me much information- just that “someone will be calling to explain this more to you tomorrow.”  I was a little short and ask for some information at that moment. She told me that they did find that Tenley’s liver was inflamed and had some spots on it that weren’t normal. Usually this points to hepatitis or leukemia. I was grateful for the information that she did give me, but more scared than ever. We hit our knees that night and prayed for Tenley’s health and healing.

On Wednesday, February 25, I received a phone call while I was at work from the person who was to give me more information about Tenley’s liver. She told me that we needed to go today to get blood work done and that they scheduled an appointment for us at Memorial with an oncologist at 1:00 the next day. Of course this scared us to death. I tried to remain calm as I called Mike to let him know what was going on. I scheduled an appointment for blood work for later that afternoon. Tenley has been such a trooper through all of this. She has handled every test very well. Even if it’s not enjoyable by any means. I received two more phone calls that day from the Memorial Oncology dept. They were so sweet and helpful and made sure that we were okay. I’ll never forget the kind way we were treated by them in the scariest of moments. Mike and I prayed Wednesday night knowing that Thursday would be a big day. Mike took a half day on Thursday so that he could go to the appointment with us. When we arrived on the Pediatric Oncology floor at Memorial, we were taken in to a regular hospital room. We had been warned that their exam rooms are regular hospital rooms, so this took away our fear and Tenley was able to lay down and watch tv while we waited. Eventually, Dr. Morrison came in with Tenley’s blood test results. She let us know that while Tenley’s first blood test showed an incredibly low white blood cell count, this last one was normal. However, her uric acid level was high. Usually this means infection, but so far we hadn’t found one anywhere in her body. But no sign of hepatitis, which we were thankful for. After examining Tenley she gave us two options. We could get down to business and find out whether this was cancer or not by doing a bone marrow test. This test is invasive and painful and they have to put her under for that. I cringed at the sound of all of that. Mike and I looked at each other and I knew that we were both wanting to avoid that. Our other option was to do a CAT scan from her pelvis to her sinuses to see if there was an infection hiding somewhere that we were missing. She gave us some time to think about these options while she checked on some lab work. While she was gone she called Dr. Ansari and they decided to work together on Tenley’s case. I was relieved that they were doing this. They both agreed that Tenley has been through a lot of testing and a CAT scan might be the way to go for now. We couldn’t have agreed more. They scheduled us to be back at the hospital right away the next morning at 7:30am.

At the hospital on Thursday

My mom came with Tenley and I since Mike needed to be at work. I know how badly he wanted to be with us, but he also knew that as our primary insurance provider- he needed to be there. I didn’t tell Tenley much about what the day would hold, which was better. She didn’t have anything to stress about. When we arrived they made sure she was comfortable and she played for a bit before getting her set up with an IV. I won’t lie, this was awful. I held Tenley so tight so that she wouldn’t move and all the while she yelled “let go of me!”. I broke down and couldn’t stop the tears from coming after a week’s worth of testing and exhaustion. After they had the IV in she bounced back and was ready to play. They put frozen on a big tv for her (they know the way to her heart!) And let her pick out a toy from the toy closet. Of course, she picked an Elsa barbie doll. She drank the “juice” that she needed to drink for the cat scan without asking any questions. When it was time for the cat scan she got very nervous. They had me get into the machine first to show her that it wasn’t bad. She got in and did okay. We had a few tears, but I can see how this would be very scary for a little child. My heart broke each time a tear fell. But I kept praying that this would bring us closer to answers. She was a brave little girl!

They were able to get the results back right away. To my surprise- the scans were completely clear and normal!!  Praise the Lord! In just three days her scans went from frightening to normal. The doctor may have called her a mystery, but we certainly know who our ultimate Healer is! We are of course thrilled. We do still have concerns and questions. We will go back in two weeks for more blood work just to make sure everything is as it should be. We will watch Tenley and her symptoms carefully. We got a glipse of the old Tenley last night. It has been months since Tenley ate a full meal - and last night I made a new soup and she ate three bowls!  Plus two bowls of applesauce and two slices of bread!  We were THRILLED!  Thank you for your prayers. We covet them and appreciate them more than you’ll ever know!

Friday after receiving an IV

Seasons

I have nothing nice to say about winter anymore. I'm over it.  Bring on spring.  Now that that's out of the way, we'll move on to more interesting things, because clearly spring isn't listening to us.

We braved the blizzard warning and grilled the other night!

This will be a picture laden post. Which will make you happy Grandma and Grandpa!  We have been keeping busy despite the treacherous weather. For my own records I want to document the last few months with Tenley specifically.  In November of 2014, Tenley started having very random high fevers. These would come and go. A fever would stick around for a few hours and then be gone, or sometimes it would last all day and really wipe her out. That was the only symptom. Until we noticed how tired she was getting. All of this was around the same time she started school and stopped taking a nap, so I really just thought it may have something to do with that. I took her to the doctor in late November, because I thought that she had a UTI and that could have been the reason for the fevers. Everything came back clear though. We made it through the holidays, but fevers would still pop up. I started keeping track of them and it was rare for her to go a week or two without one. I couldn't ignore my gut any more and knew in January that I needed to get her in to the doctor again. At the end of January 2015 we took her in and I asked them to run a blood test. I hated to put her through that, but due to the random fevers, fatigue, and leg pain that had popped up I wanted to be thorough. She was a trooper and was very brave. I held her tight as they did the blood draw and prayed that everything would be okay. The doctor came back in to talk to me about all of the things they were testing for. The biggest concern was cancer. I had really prepared myself for that word. Mike and I had talked about it, we had thought it, but hearing it out loud from your child's doctor is a completely different feeling. Thankfully, the blood test came back normal. So they sent us to Memorial Children's Hospital to a Pediatric Infectious Disease specialist. Dr. Ansari. He has been very informative. At the appointment with him we heard a few more scary words. Cancer and tumors. We weren't out of the woods. But after he did a couple x-rays and an examination everything was still coming back normal. At this point I was beginning to feel crazy! But I guess better a crazy mama and we know for sure that Tenley is healthy!

  Tenley was very brave during her appointment.  She liked her new bracelet that they gave her when she had to get x-rays. Her next appointment is this coming Tuesday. She will have an ultrasound done of her stomach and also another appointment with the specialist. She has been on an antibiotic now for a couple weeks and I have seen an improvement in her. We're praying that this was just some crazy virus!

Paisley has stayed a constant joy through all of this. I can't imagine our family without that sweet little girl. She is so compassionate and is always asking "mama ok?" when I cough, sneeze or anything else. She's so sweet.  Paisley is starting to become a daddy's girl! She asks for him every morning and when I have to say that he's at work she often says "ohh no. Daddy hold me!" This of course makes Mike so happy!

I have started a new, and very much needed, journey to losing weight. I don't often talk about this publicly, but I think this would be good motivation and accountability. I am working out every morning, I haven't had pop in over two weeks (whoa!), and I am eating mostly lean protein and fruits and veggies. I am currently down 8 pounds and about 9 inches total.

I know that the struggles will come. I know that I'll want to give up, there will be set backs, but I also know the struggles will be SO worth it when I get to my goal.  Once I get a good handle on my cravings I'll be able to have one cheat meal per week. I'm looking forward to my first one already :) I think they will be much more satisfying when they are only happening once a week. For now though I'm sticking to this strict plan and inventing new ways to eat grilled chicken!

2015.

We're now 21 days into 2015.  Let's get caught up.
1.  I turned 30 on the 11th.  I almost had a break down.
2.  But Mike threw me a wonderful surprise party, and I decided that if I get to spend another 30 years with my amazing friends and family - I'm doing just fine.
3.  Mike and I were able to get away for the weekend.
4.  My parents house sold.

Now that we're caught up on big events, let's get back to the focus of the new year.  I'm not really a person who does resolutions.  I just think they are a way to remind you of your failures.  But with that said, I do think the new year is a great time to look back on your life and think about what you want to do better.  I found this list online.

I think that pretty much sums up how I feel about 2015.  While I'm going to try and do those things on the list, ultimately I'm just going to try and be the best me that I can.  That includes getting healthier, taking walks with my family, spending time each night with the girls instead of rushing through bedtimes, spending more time in the Word, making intentional time with my husband.

I'll leave you with the funniest of pictures.  The girls were eating lunch yesterday and were interacting so nicely with each other, so I snapped a few and this one happened:

Tenley is full of experessions these days.  Here's a couple of nicer ones too.

Fa la la randomness!

I can't believe Christmas is right around the corner!  I still have a couple gifts to buy, and I have ALL our wrapping to do!  Remember when the stores used to give you boxes with your Christmas purchases?  I sure wish they still did that.  I've been setting aside Wheat Things, Lucky Charms and saltine cracker boxes wrap some of our gifts!  Won't the girls be thrilled when they open a box of wheat thins!

I love the traditions that Christmas brings.  I've been watching plenty of Hallmark Christmas movies. That's my own personal tradition.  There's nothing more peaceful to me than after everyone is in bed I cuddle up on the couch with the glow of the Christmas tree lights on watching a Christmas movie! I'll stay up extra late just to make it happen some nights.

Last night we completed another tradition. We went to Winding Brook neighborhood in Mishawaka to look at all the Christmas lights. I popped popcorn for the girls, got them in their pajamas and off we went! The older they get the more fun it is.  Tenley counted how many santas she saw.  Paisley seemed to be in awe of it all.  Every time we asked her what she thought she just stared out the window and said "yeahhhh".  Ha!  She was intrigued.

Lindsey was nice enough to take a couple pictures of the girls for our Christmas cards this year after Paisley's 2 year pictures.  Here a few:

This was the one we used on our Christmas cards.

Here are a few of the pictures of our newest two year old too!  Where has the time gone! Grandma and Grandpa you'll enjoy seeing all of the hair that she has now!

Still blonde and blue eyed!  So different than her sister!  We took the girls to see Santa the other day and a friend saw us all standing in line and she said "I just can't get over it.  Tenley is so much like you, Michelle and Paisley is the spitting image of Mike."  That's really the truth.

Oh, our Santa picture you ask.  Welll.... I'll show it to you.  I cropped it so you could better see their expressions.  Paisley wasn't having it.  Not impressed by Santa.

Happy Halloween!

In the Marshall house we don't get too into halloween.  But the kids love dressing up and so I decided to humor them.  This was the first year that they went "door to door" trick or treating too.  Usually we drive around to houses that we know.  It was nice to have them out of the car, not so much loading and unloading.  Tenley just thought it was the best thing she's ever done!

This year Tenley went as a cowgirl and Paisley went as a bumblebee.

Aren't they the cutest!?  It took some convincing to have Tenley go as anything other than Elsa!  But once we talked up being a cowgirl a little bit, she was on board.  I took a look back at our past halloween costumes.  I came up with these:

2011

This was my favorite costume of Tenley's.  She looked so cute as a little ice cream cone! Halloweens in Indiana have to be a little different than everywhere else I think.  We have to dress for the weather too, so these warm fleece costumes are perfect!  For Tenley's first halloween she was a football and Mike and I dressed up as tailgaters.  I couldn't find that picture, but Tenley would have only been a little over a month old!

Paisley's first halloween and my favorite picture of the girls.  This picure is the perfect depiction of what we were going through at that stage.  A very happy Paisley dressed up as a cupcake, a curious Jayda Hollar, and a stubborn and angry Tenley.

2013

Fall!

Fall is my favorite time of the year in Indiana!  I just love the crunching of the leaves on the ground, all the colors, the temperature, -- everything!!

The girls enjoy every bit of playing outside during this time too!  Paisley and I got some good time in the leaves the other night.  

Now that GG and Great Grandpa are back in Florida (sniff sniff!!) I think it's time for an update. Tenley is loving preschool!  She claims that her teacher, Mrs. Simpson, is her very best friend.  

While I don't get a ton of information out of her, I do know she's learning a lot, meeting new people, and having a great time.  I pray that her excitement for school continues as she gets older.  Tenley was able to be in her first parade early this fall too!  She was THRILLED.  

Paisley continues to grow and is starting to put words together and talking a lot more!  Her laugh is so contagious and that little smile of hers never gets old!  God certainly knew what he was doing when he decided to surprise us with her!!