Being a Mom is tough!

I've become a stranger on this blog!  I thought I would dust it off and start writing again and link up to a Bible Study I'm participating in right now.  We are currently reading "Am I Messing Up My Kids" by Lysa TerKeurst.  I love anything by Lysa!  She is so honest and open about her parenting experiences.  I need a little open and honest parenting conversation in my life.  Because let's be real- being a mom is TOUGH.

If you are a parent and you haven't asked yourself "am i messing up my kids?!" then you should probably stop reading now.  Good for you.  But I doubt there's many of you who haven't asked yourself that question at least once or twice.

 I think back to when I was pregnant with Tenley (my oldest) and I think about all the sweet, emotional feelings I was feeling back then.  "This is the greatest time in your life", "I have wanted this all my life!" were things that I was probably caught saying.  Then our amazing Tenley came into world.  As we drove away from the hospital with our sweet girl, I remember thinking "OH.  MY.  WORD.  Did they really just let us walk out of this hospital with a BABY!?  They know nothing about us!  Are we ready for this responsibility? They just let anyone walk out of here with a little human!!" Talk about a freak out moment.  That was it.  But life went on and we learned to understand each other, Tenley and I.  Tenley became less of a baby and more of a toddler.  A horrible toddler!  Tenley has always had her own ideas and opinions and she wasn't afraid to share them starting around 18 months.  That was about the time that people started saying "about time for another one huh?"  I would adamantly say, "I'm not cut out to be the mom of a toddler and a newborn."  Well...God thought I was.  Along came Paisley.  Boy was she a surprise.  But above all a wonderful little blessing that has completed our family and made me feel like maybe, just maybe I can do this motherhood thing.

Now, Tenley will be four in September and Paisley will be 2 in December.  We have our hands full most days.  But I love being a mom to my spirited little girls.

The truth is- I can't do it on my own.  I can only be a parent with God by my side.  A good parent that is.  I am excited to see where this Bible study takes me!

The countdown is ON.
We are done with this arctic mess we are trapped in.
We are heading SOUTH!
We may never come back!

... okay.  We probably will.  But the thought has crossed our minds.

Indiana in January...and February...and sometimes March gets gray.  Depressing.

So bring on the Sun, Sand and WARMTH.

Just a few more weeks.  My bags are almost packed already.  I may just leave early.  :)

She chooses to invest in JOY.

We have been snowed in this week!  With temperatures well below zero and the "feels like" temperature hovering around -35 (that is just insane) - we have been doing lots of activities indoors!  Tenley loves to paint with her water colors, so she has been doing that.  We have played memory, trouble and worked on more potty training.  Which I'm happy to report that Tenley is doing wonderful!  After several very trying attempts, she is now almost without accident during the day.  One big success in the Marshall house!  I was going a bit stir crazy in the house and yesterday I woke up in a pretty foul mood.  I knew that if I wanted to get through the day I would need to make some adjustments.  An active 3 year old and attention craving 1 one year don't exactly care if mommy needs a time out of her own.

I have been working through the attributes of a Proverbs 31 woman for awhile now.  After a few swapped text messages with my dear friend Trina, I realized that the advice I was giving her about her own foul mood needed to be said right to my own heart.  On our fridge I have this verse:

"A joyful heart is good medicine." Proverbs 17:22

Below that verse it says:

"Though life may turn on her, she chooses not to reciprocate.  Instead, she strives to be emotionally generous towards others by investing in them with joy.  As a result, when darkness threatens to loom over her she can easily chase it away by giving joy."

Could I come up with any reason for my foul mood and quick temper?  No.  Nothing justified.  Was I giving joy to those closest to me?  Not even a little bit.  God knew just what I needed to hear at that moment.  Even in the times when I think I would rather crawl back in bed than hear the truth.  Instead, I needed to put to use another attribute I have been working on - getting up every morning and following through with my commitments, despite how I feel.  Those commitments included providing food for my family, sweeping, doing laundry, respecting my husband, etc.  I understand that if God can trust me with these small things, He can trust me with big things.

Show me Lord when I fail, teach me how to be the wife, mom, friend, sister, daughter - woman that you created me to be.  Help me to continue to do the work that you've given me.  Amen.

Pictures!

I know that both sets of my grandparents will appreciate a post of all pictures!

Marshall Family 2013

I'm not sure who's more intense- Tenley or Mike!  Either way, I'm not sure Paisley likes it!

Tenley loves wrestling around with Daddy!

Uh oh!  Tenley was messing up Daddy's hair!

My sweet girls.

Trina Made Me.

Because I'm convinced that Trina is the only person who still reads this, and maybe my grandparents, I decided I needed to update my favorite Detroit resident on the newest Marshall Madness.

What have we been up to?  This stage of life is exhausting.  Do you think someone could have warned me that the 3's were harder than the twos?  Would that have been too much to ask!?  Well here's your warning- they are.   Tenley is stubborn, independent, hard headed.  But she's also the sweetest, most polite little girl.  I pray every night that her stubbornness will be used for good one day.  That she will stand up for what she believes in and not care what other people think.  One day, I just know that God will use all of these attributes for good.  The other day when she was getting a little sassy, I said "Oh Tenley, you're lucky you're cute." And she looked up at me and grinned and said "Oh I know Mama".  Ha!  Right now her favorite things revolve around:

Sophia the First

The Little Mermaid

And anything princess or purple!  She also wears her cowboy boots every day around the house.  She loves the snow ... specifically eating it.  Her favorite foods are popcorn and macaroni and cheese.  She pronounces "macaroni" as "maceeoni" and I hope she never says it right.  It's the cutest thing.  She's taking more and more of an interest in her little sister, which makes this mommy happy.  Tenley is so excited for Christmas.  She can't wait til we go look at the lights! 

Paisley.  Oh my sweet Paisley Grace.  What a joy she is.  Now remember all those things I said about Tenley?  All those qualities that I will love about her some day but tends to be frustrating now?  Paisley is the opposite of all of them.  She's so laid back, so content.  Maybe that's common for the second child...although not in my mom's case.  Sorry Jason :)  She is quick to smile and laugh.  She loves her big sister and watches her every move.  We're celebrating her 1st birthday with a party this weekend.  I am sure I will have lots of pictures from that next week.  

We are enjoying this stage of life as tiring as it can be.  Mike is working a lot of hours, the girls are busy bodies and we're just laughing our way through!  We are looking forward to the Christmas season with our friends and family.  We are also very well aware of the hurt and lonliness that can come to many people during this season.  For those of you who find themselves missing someone this year, please know we're praying for you and God is with you always!

Peace in the Chaos

I'm feeling so torn today.  We got some really tough news from some friends of ours.  If they weren't states away I think I would have rushed over and just embraced them for hours.  Our dear friends from Merrillville have tried for years to have children.  She became pregnant just four weeks after we found out we were having Tenley.  We were so excited to walk through this journey together.  Sadly, she had a miscarriage a few weeks later.  I remember feeling very guilty.  There I sat nauseous, bloated.  Even though I wasn't showing yet, I felt like there was a big red arrow pointing to my belly letting everyone know that I was pregnant and she was not.  Because of the person she is- she probably never once thought that about me.  She never would have thought "why her?  why not me?" .  But I sure did.  Years have now passed.  They have moved to Texas, we have had another child.  They have started the adoption process.  They were notified a couple months ago that a birth mom had chosen them!  They were so excited and we all rejoiced with them.  What a blessing this sweet baby boy would be!  This was the boy that God had created just for them!  Yesterday, the birth mom's due date, we received a message that the birth mom had changed her mind.  She wanted to keep her son.  What do you say?  How do you cope with something like that?  

They were at peace just two days ago and now chaos.

They were blessed by a little life and now it feels like a death.

They had experienced God's healing and now feeling a loss.

What a celebration we had and now the grief is tangible.

It's unfair.  It's a gut wrenching feeling to watch them go through this, let alone go through it themselves.  What do you do with those feelings?  The only hope I have is our faith in Jesus.  He keeps us rooted.  He keeps us on the journey that we are intended to be on. He helps us continue the fight.  This is hard.  This path is narrow.  But God never intended it to be easy.  And I have to have faith and believe that Colt and Lindy's path is leading them to the perfect sweet baby that they will hold in their arms and never have to let go of.  He is faithful ALWAYS.  Their story isn't over.  Hold on tight Colt and Lindy.  Jesus is carrying you and He will make it right.

Welcoming Fall with Open Arms!

Goodbye Summer!  Hello Fall!  I'm not sad to see summer and it's 90+ degree temps go with it!  Overall, we had a pretty mild summer.  But the fall weather is good for my soul.  I have had our house decorated for fall for a few weeks now, mums are in place on the porch and I'm ready for some hot apple cider, hoodies and football!  Summer is full of Marshall Madness but fall feels a little slower, much cozier and a bit lazier.  I'm all for it.  I have to admit, the girls look extra cute in jeans and hoodies too!

Tenley ended her summer with her 3rd birthday!  I can't even wrap my head around how she can be three.  She's full of life, smiles and laughter.  She cracks us up most of the time and leaves us wondering how she comes up with some of the things she says!  She's becoming more independent - likes to do things on her own, does well using her imagination and playing, but she is also a social butterfly and doesn't know a stranger!

Paisley is 9 months old now and is trying to crawl!  I'm savoring every last moment of her being immobile! She's the happiest baby and is so content most of the time!  What a joy she is to us!  Her big sister loves her and often holds her hand while they are in the car together.

This fall we're looking forward to visiting a pumpkin patch, ND games, hot cider, campfires in our yard and lots of time outside with the girls!

Today also weighs heavy on my heart as the leaves start to fall off the trees and the seasons change.  Today marks ten years in Heaven for Nick.  Ten years!  I remember when going 24 hours without talking to him was miserable.  If only I could have known what I know now.  But instead of mourning our loss today, I am rejoicing that he has lived ten years in Heaven with our Savior!  What an amazing promise to know that I will see him again!  Our Heavenly reunion with Nick and Brad will be amazing and filled with lots of laughter I'm sure!!